Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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