Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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