she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
