He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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