btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
