I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He felt like a one man threesome
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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