thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This is my gift to your gina
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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