I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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