o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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