they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
