I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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