New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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