Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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