where am i from again
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
