that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
