Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
