Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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