Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
