Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
