Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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