I got chris browned last night
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I touched a dick in church today
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
