I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize