I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
