His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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