Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
