do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
