im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
