When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Barsexuality is the new black.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
