I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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