Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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