i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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