I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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