Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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