Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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