theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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