I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
