i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
