i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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