Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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