I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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