Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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