so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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