I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
