What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
