I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
