My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
