i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
