Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
