if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
