Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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