I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
