maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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