Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
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We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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