Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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