how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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