Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
