WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
