I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
