My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
