I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself