I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.