Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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