shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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