You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dignity is for republicans.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
