we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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