they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
