So drunk its hurt
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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