her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
