I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
