My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize