My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
