Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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