Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My nipple is on Facebook.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
