Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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