What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
