It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
