The maid of honor just puked.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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