Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
