is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
