How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
