I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
