I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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