I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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