She said her name was "party"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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